The harchakot are the activities which husband and wife refrain from during the time the woman is nidda.

The Shulchan Aruch tells us that even while nidda, a woman continues to perform all of the forms of work she customarily performs. For example, if she is usually the one to cook and do laundry, she continues to cook and do laundry while nidda. I know, sorry.

However, there are three types of household work which a woman who is nidda may not perform as usual, because these are actions which express the close, intimate nature of their relationship. They are:

  1. Making her husband's bed
  2. Pouring her husband a glass of wine
  3. Pouring water on her husband's hands, face and feet

These types of work are considered more intimate, activities which express affection. I think even in modern times it is easy for us to appreciate that these activities are different. If a family hires a housekeeper, she might cook, launder and clean. But usually she won't be making the parents' beds, pouring drinks for the parents, or washing the parents' hands, feet and faces. These are more personal activities.

Let's unpack each prohibition individually.

1. Making the bed

A woman may not make her husband's bed in front of him. However, she may make his bed when he is out of the room. There is a machloket whether the same is true for the man. Couples for whom this is relevant should ask their rav how to hold.

Although a woman may not prepare her husband's bed for him before he goes to sleep (in his presence), she may make his bed in the morning after waking up. In that circumstance it is clear that the intention is to make the room clean and orderly.

2. Pouring a glass of wine

Here we find a difference between Ashkenazi and Sephardi practice. For Ashkenazim this prohibition extends not just to wine but to all alcoholic drinks, and some Ashkenazim are stringent to include any drink besides water. For Sephardim it applies only to wine. As with bed making, this prohibition applies in front of him.

The prohibition of "pouring a drink" actually refers to two actions: pouring and serving. Most Ashkenazi poskim understand that both pouring and serving are part of "pouring," and therefore neither may be performed in front of the husband. Rav Ovadia Yosef, however, understood that "pouring" is not complete without both pouring and serving. So for Sephardim, as long as one of these actions is not done in front of the husband, it is permissible.

To avoid transgressing this prohibition, a woman may either prepare her husband's glass of wine out of his presence, or prepare it with a shinui. For example, if the woman is right-handed and pours and serves the wine with her left hand, that is a shinui and is permissible. Or she could pour with her left hand and place the glass somewhere other than its usual place. That too would be permissible.

This prohibition applies to the husband as well: he may not pour a glass of wine (or liquor, for Ashkenazim) for his wife in her presence.

3. Pouring water

Pouring water on her husband is not permitted. The halachah specifies a prohibition of pouring water on his hands, face and feet because that was common. It does not mean to allow her to wash other parts of his body. She is forbidden from washing any part of her husband while she is a nidda.

However, preparing a vessel of water with which he will wash himself is permitted (not in his presence).

Similarly, a husband may not pour water on his wife.

What about preparing him a bath? Here too we find a machloket. An Ashkenazi woman may prepare a bath for her husband if he is not present; if he is ill, she may prepare it even in his presence. Rav Ovadia, on the other hand, ruled that a Sephardi woman may fill the bath in his presence even if he is not ill.

Source expansion

In Masechet Ketubot 61a we learn that the more maidservants a woman has, the fewer household tasks she is responsible for. If she has four maidservants, her only responsibilities are pouring her husband's glass of wine, making her husband's bed, and washing her husband's hands, face and feet — because these are not housekeeping activities but actions which demonstrate affection between husband and wife.

There in the Gemara, Rav Huna explains that all household chores a woman usually performs she also performs while nidda. The exceptions are pouring his glass of wine, washing her husband's face, hands and feet, and making her husband's bed.

The Gemara continues and describes the shinuim the wives of the chachamim would use when pouring drinks for their husbands. Interestingly, the Gemara refers to the prohibition as "pouring the cup" (mezigat ha-kos), yet it describes how the wives of the Sages made a shinui not in the pouring but in the serving.

Sefer Yereim explains this apparent inconsistency by understanding that the prohibition lies in the two acts together. Serving without pouring, or pouring without serving, is therefore not prohibited.

Sefer HaTerumah, on the other hand, understands that serving is forbidden even without pouring.

What does "mezigah" mean?

Another question arises: "mezigah" has two definitions, dilution (mixing wine with water) and pouring. Is the prohibition pouring, or mixing his wine with water in the ratio he likes?

Is food included?

Some say that food, too, is included in the prohibition of "pouring the cup":

How, then, may she give him a cup?

Washing

Rashba: it is forbidden for her to wash him even if she is not actually touching him. If she is pouring the water and he is washing himself, that is still forbidden.

Regarding preparing a vessel of water for him to wash himself with: