We turn now to the practical side of one harchakah: passing objects between husband and wife while the woman is a niddah.

The basis — why it is forbidden

The Shulchan Aruch instructs us that while a woman is a niddah, she and her husband are forbidden all physical contact. And since they may not touch, they may not pass objects to each other either, so that they do not come to touch by accident.

This halachah applies even when the object passed is particularly long and there is very little concern that the transfer will lead to contact.

A beautiful idea from Rabbanit Lynn Finson

Rabbanit Lynn Finson taught me something striking. When Yosef HaTzaddik came close to sinning with Potiphar's wife, the moment he fled he left his garment in her hand, even though it could serve — and did serve — as incriminating evidence. Why leave it? Because he was at the edge, barely able to overcome his inclination, and he knew that feeling even the indirect contact of Potiphar's wife, through pulling the garment from her hands, might be stimulus enough to make him sin.

It seems to me that this illuminates the halachah that even a long object cannot be passed while the woman is a niddah.

A further explanation — the Rashba

This is reflected in the words of the Rashba. Passing is not forbidden because it may lead to touching. It is forbidden because libo gas bah (לִבּוֹ גָּס בָּהּ): because husband and wife know each other intimately, because they are a married couple, we are concerned that even the transfer may kindle romantic feeling — unlike a man and woman not married to each other.

The practical challenge — in public

While some harchakot present an emotional challenge for many couples, this one tends to present technical difficulties. For instance:

In public — what is the ruling?

If a couple would be embarrassed to be seen avoiding passing objects in public, some poskim permit them to pass an object:

If they are not embarrassed, no leniency

A couple who are not embarrassed to avoid passing objects in public should certainly avoid it exactly as they would in private.

Plan ahead

A couple who know this would embarrass them do well to plan ahead. If they know they will be in public and may end up in such a situation, they can work out a strategy for avoiding a transfer. It is also worth clarifying their rav's ruling in advance (if needed), in case an unanticipated transfer catches them out.

Handing over a baby

If a husband must hand a baby to his wife, or the reverse, and there is no safe surface to put the baby down on, they may hand the baby over, taking particular care not to touch each other.

Most poskim (such as Rav Mordechai Eliyahu and Rav Ovadia Yosef) limit this leniency to an older baby who can turn toward the other parent and reach out to them.

All agree the leniency applies only where there is a need to hand the baby over: the baby is crying and wants the other parent, say, or the parent has to go somewhere and must hand the baby over.

Carrying something heavy that needs two people

Some poskim are lenient (Rav Ovadia among them) that the couple may carry together, as with a stroller that has to go up stairs.

Rav Wosner and Rav Moshe Feinstein do not permit carrying a heavy object together while the woman is a niddah.

Again, a couple who know this is relevant to them — they are moving house, for instance — do well to ask their rav in advance (if needed) how he rules.

Expanding the sources

"And you shall not come near a woman in her time of unclean separation, to uncover her nakedness." (ויקרא יח, יט)

The verse teaches that husband and wife are forbidden relations during the niddah period. But how do we know that every kind of contact is forbidden?

The striking story in Masechet Shabbat

Masechet Shabbat records a striking story. There was an exceptional talmid chacham who learned a great deal, reviewed a great deal, and gained real experience by serving greater scholars. He died tragically young.

After his death his widow went from beit midrash to beit midrash, carrying his tefillin, asking how it could be that her husband died at half his days after a life full of Torah. She would say, "The Torah itself says that Torah is your life and the length of your days!" No one had an answer for her.

One day Eliyahu HaNavi was a guest in her home. Again she spoke of her husband and his incomprehensible death. Eliyahu answered with questions. He asked how her late husband conducted himself with her while she was menstruating. She was appalled: "Heaven forbid! He would not so much as touch my little finger!"

But Eliyahu pressed on and asked how he conducted himself during the seven clean days, when she was a niddah but not actively bleeding. To his surprise she answered matter-of-factly that her husband would eat with her, drink with her and sleep without clothing beside her, but would not have relations. Eliyahu answered: "Blessed is the Omnipresent who killed him."

In another version of the story, Eliyahu asks her whether her husband passed her oil and brought his hand together with hers while she was a niddah.

What the Rishonim derive from this

From here the Rishonim, the Rambam among them, understand that every kind of contact is forbidden, and so the Shulchan Aruch rules.

But we must ask: where do we learn that passing objects is forbidden?

There is in fact no clear source in the Gemara for this prohibition.

As mentioned, we find that Eliyahu HaNavi asked the widow whether her late husband passed her oil while she was a niddah.

Most Rishonim (Rashi, the Rosh and the Rashba) understand from the story that passing is forbidden.

Rabbeinu Shemayah holds that Eliyahu's question cannot establish that passing is forbidden. Eliyahu asked explicitly, "perhaps he passed you the oil and touched you." That is, Eliyahu was concerned about possible touching, not about possible passing.

Machzor Vitry: testimony from a student of Rashi that Rashi would refrain from passing his wife the key while she was a niddah.

The Shulchan Aruch rules with the majority of the Rishonim: passing objects is forbidden while the woman is a niddah.

Rabbeinu Yerucham: even long objects may not be passed.

When embarrassment is a concern — a dispute

The Shach instructs us that where a couple are concerned that others will notice they are not eating together as usual, it makes no difference: no leniency is available and they may not relax the harchakot.

It is worth noting, though, that the Shach is addressing a harchakah described explicitly in the Mishnah. That is not the same as passing objects, which has no clear source in the Gemara. Many poskim are therefore lenient.

Handing over a baby — the sources

Carrying something heavy together — the sources